patience

It was 2015. Steve and I had two elementary school aged children and I had a yoga studio business that occupied more than its fair share of my mental real estate. I worked hard to balance it all and balance often felt like a joke. 

I was active in a woman’s entrepreneur group and saw many women struggling with the same things as me - taking care of ourselves properly, balancing work and family, making money equivalent to our professional output or expertise, and feeling valued and fulfilled and at peace.

At that time I was using my life experiences as a spiritual teacher. Meaning - I was looking very closely at my responses to my life. Why did I choose to put that new client where my personal yoga practice was scheduled? Why am I not paying myself properly? Why am I always so stressed and worried? Why am I still smoking weed to relax? 

I was in therapy. I was working with shamans and acupuncturists. I was participating in ayahuasca ceremonies and taking deep dives into the workings of my shadow. 

It was both a beautiful time and a difficult time. Entrepreneurship combined with motherhood combined with shadow work is not for the faint of heart. 

And then one day something happened. It was unexpected and strange. A fully formed concept landed in my mind. I ran to get my journal and this is what I wrote:

Be present. Let your present moment be your only goal. This is your homebase. There is nowhere else. This is your only work. This is the bedrock of everything, all the time.

Practice awareness. In your present moment stay fully aware of everything all around you and within you. Rise above unconscious reactions and know yourself. In the homebase of your present moment, let your awareness be a light that radiates both outward and inward.

Feel your emotions. Let them flow. Allow yourself the freedom of emotional expression in the moment it needs to be expressed. Let crying be the medicine it is meant to be. Repress nothing, feel everything. Your emotions are waves; practice being both the wave and the surfer.

Cultivate gratitude. Focus on what is going well and what is beautiful in your life. Give thanks for your good health and the health of your family. Give thanks for the community you created and the beautiful teachers who have joined you in the creation. Give thanks for your prosperity and abundance of love and friendship. Give thanks because you are in fact living the life you have dreamed of. 

Visualize the experience you want to have. Hold the sensation of how you want to feel in your heart. Hold the image of what kind of world you want to live in. Believe in your visions. Believe in your power to create. Hold gently to your desires, dreams and visions for the world and your place in it. 

Have patience. Time is a teacher here on earth. Life unfolds day after day, month after month, year after year. Allow this without pushing. Creation is initiated by intention and facilitated by life itself. Let life unfold and have faith in it’s unfolding. Forcing the rose to open before it is ready to bloom will kill the rose. 

I realize now, this was the first Sacred Kiss. 

And what did I do with it? I self-published a book and called it “Yoga and the Process of Awakening”.

(Ironically, “patience” was the shortest chapter.)

I created an online course called The Empowered Woman. I made my own website for the first time offering “coaching” on how to apply these spiritual concepts to your business. 

I focused more on teaching the concepts than living the concepts. Teaching these concepts anchored them in me over time and living them became natural but certainly not at first. 

I now know the teachings were meant for me to integrate before teaching. But patience then was just a word, and my urge was to shout it from the mountain tops like I had the key to the universe - because that is how it felt. 

So I did, as I do.

This was the beginning of knowing what I am called to teach. I was stepping out of teaching yoga as a physical practice and stepping into teaching spiritual concepts and the evolution of our consciousness.

Not many people bought my book. My programs didn’t have many takers. I reworked the concept quite a few times and it felt a little like shouting from a mountain top into a vacuum.

Teaching such sacred concepts requires a certain level of mastery I did not possess. So, life then gave me copious opportunities to master these concepts into my life. 

Opportunities looked like this:

I put all my chips on the table and expanded the studio to include another room and a wellness center (this means I took on a whopping amount of debt). 

The financial pressure had me pushing to grow, pushing to expand, pushing, pushing and knocking down doors to make ends meet for the business.

(Note I'm not even trying to integrate the patience part of my teaching into my life.)

Steve’s mom moved from Texas to NYC and we all bought a home together in the Bronx.

(Otherwise known as generational wealth - lots of gratitude here.)

We received another foster daughter.  

I struggled with addiction and avoidance and understanding how to rest.

My father was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s.

And then the pandemic came and swept everything away and well, you know the rest. 

Death is a transformation. An end and a beginning intertwined in a period of change.

You could draw parallels to the world at large now; everywhere we look we see destruction and suffering. What we see is scary and we feel fear. 

And yet, isn’t the world we see a co-creation of our own collective consciousness? 

Extreme suffering. This is what I see. 

Fueled by fear. Collective fear.

Terrible things happening in the world and there is suffering. We feel fear. Collective fear fuels more terrible things which fuels more suffering.

It’s a loop.

No matter what is going on in your life; whether you are watching the news and feeling fear or having terrible things happening right there in your living room, we need to step out of the loop.

These six concepts, and lets for fun call them the Sacred Six, are not linear. They are like petals on a flower. Some petals are over-developed in us (for me, visualization); some underdeveloped (for me, patience). But they are all there right now to cultivate. 

And for the love of all that is good, if you haven’t started a meditation practice by now: START THERE. 

Yes I am shouting. Your mind is your responsibility. If you want to see less suffering the world; start with yourself. It’s mandatory.

Double down by meditating on gratitude. Here’s one for you from your’s truly. I promise you, this will help with your fear. 

I continue to practice the Sacred Six. I have, in no way shape or form, mastered patience - not internally anyway.

I see so much suffering and want to do something NOW to help. 

I lament that I haven’t had a new download, that I don’t have some new miraculous answer to the world’s suffering. 

And for this, my medicine must be gratitude for what I already know. For the download I received and the answers I have.

I know that peace comes from cultivating presence, awareness, gratitude, feeling my emotions, seeing the world I want to live in and having patience that it will all come to fruition someday. 

And peace within me creates peace around me. Certainly in my home. 

Let us all start there, in this moment now.

**This kiss I share today is in response to having no patience with my perceived lack of professional clarity to help heal the world even though nobody is expecting me to heal the world. Just writing this now makes me laugh and hug myself. Oh sweet silly, Alyssa. Chill the fuck out.**

So dear reader, I would love to hear from you. Which of the Sacred Six do you feel is well developed in you? Which is underdeveloped? Where can you give yourself a break?

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All is well. 

So many thoughts and plans circulating in your mind, keep settling into your body and focusing on what is in front of you. 

There are many moving parts to the dreams you wish to see come into fruition. Much of what is unfolding impacts not just just your growth but the growth of many.

You are in an orchestra of souls learning a certain lesson. 

The balance of surrender and action. 

Participation and allowing. 

How do we know when to act? 

How do we trust that our actions are aligned with the current of life? 

How do we choose the path that is in the best interest of all, and not just “me and my visions and goals”? 

These are inquiries that you have been studying and learning from.

You are the master of this orchestra. You are conducting the energy even if you are not outwardly leading. Stay true to what you have learned. That is all you need to know. 

Take action when action is needed. Practice acceptance when no action is clear.

Wait for clarity to arrive. 

Trust that it will and you will know it.